For the past two nights I have had serious trouble going to sleep. Last night I couldn’t stop thinking about what I would do if an earthquake happened here. Obviously, the earthquake that happened in Sichuan a couple weeks ago is the reason for these thoughts. The worst image that I have came from a person’s description of a newspaper article that he read. He said they found smothered-to-death small children under the ruble with their fingernails gone – a result of scratching at the ruble to try to free themselves. Even further in my own thought process as I unsuccessfully tried to sleep was imagining my little Anna in that situation. It brings tears to my eyes just imagining it. To actually have that happen to her, or Jacquelyn, or anyone else that I know, would just be devastating.
It is interesting the barriers that we create for ourselves. I have built a wall just high enough to shield myself from thinking too hard about the awful effects of the earthquake, but, yet, I have kept the wall just low enough that I can see over it. It truly sucks what happened to those people. To think about it in the slightest truly breaks my heart. I don’t want to think about it. But last night, I couldn’t stop.
In the days following the earthquake I heard many people pray that God would use this event to bring people to Him. This is also my prayer. However, in the back of my head I really struggle with all the suffering that happened…and continues to happen to those people. Of course God is just and whatever He uses to demonstrate His power…or whatever He’s doing…is certainly up to Him.
80,000 people are expected to have died as a result of the earthquake…women, children, men…it makes no difference. Wow. Why are people saying, “Lord, Your will be done.”? Because there is nothing else to say. With a broken heart I also cry out, Lord, Your will be done…
i appreciate this post, j. it’s truly a BIG God who accomplishes his perfect will through imperfection. I take comfort that my God knows and understands depths and plans that I cannot begin to know or understand, and I try to keep the appreciation of that truth in front of me when my brain is stuck on “why”.